Two recent news items on the same theme: a broken marriage. First, a new book, Runaway Husbands: The Abandoned Wife’s Guide to Recovery and Renewal. Second: Tipper and Al Gore are separating. The book talks about marriages ultimately based on delusion. Wives whose husbands abruptly announce they are leaving; each wife is stunned. She had no idea the marriage was unhappy or in trouble. She’s caught totally off-guard. The Gores’ story is about a mutual decision to part company. A decision reached over time, from personal reflection, and discussion.

I was on vacation in Santa Fe when it occurred to me how many “R” words there are that women struggle with. Men (of course) have these words too…but they don’t struggle with them the way women do.

By Isabelle Schoenfeld (TTN-DC). I look down at my hands these days and can see my mother’s hands in them.

We’ve all heard the saying “the only constant is change.” However, when change lands on our doorstep we are usually bewildered and uncertain of where and how we will land on solid ground again.

Who is doing work that matters?

Dr. Peter Lichtenberg is a rare find — a combination of a first-class leader at the Institute of Gerontology at Wayne State, a respected researcher and author, a renowned thought leader in the field of dementia, and someone who deeply cares about older people.

For those of you that question the generosity of others, Dr. Lichtenberg will change your mind.

When my brother and I spend time together, we fall into the habit of examining the crazy quilt that is our family history. Unlike many quilts, constructed by carefully replicating a set pattern, a crazy quilt consists of oddly shaped blocks, arranged in a pattern that springs out of the quilter’s own thoughts. Our family history is like that.

People often do not reach out for help during their eldercare journey, perhaps because caregivers are exhausted or they don’t want to burden others. You do not need to find one ideal person—instead consider a collection of people that you can call upon when you need help or reinforcement.

The words I hear most often from people who cared for an aging relative are: “I wish I understood then what I understand now.”

That is why my next series of blogs will highlight thought leaders, books, websites, and innovative concepts I wish I knew about BEFORE I cared for my parents.

May 6th is my mother’s birthday. Five years ago we had a birthday party for her with the theme—There’s No Place Like Home—The Wizard of Oz. Perhaps you have guessed by now that my mother’s name was Dorothy. And yes she was wearing ruby red slippers.

The single most important message I can share is: don’t do it alone. Although I am an only child without children, I did not travel the labyrinth of eldercare alone. I was so fortunate to have so many wonderful people help me in the journey.